The Waiting Game

Let's face it - waiting sucks.  Waiting while in pain sucks even worse.  I have not heard from my doctor's office yet about what the next step is, and it's getting to me.  Though I have my preliminary results from my father in law, I just want to know what the plan is.  Knowing the next step will not heal me or take the pain away--but it will put my mind at ease.

In general, I have found that the longer I wait, the less control I feel I have.  Waiting also gives me more time to build up fear.  I am caught in a limbo of wanting to be a surgical candidate and not wanting to have surgery.  My main goal, however, remains steadfast: do what needs to be done and move on with life.  I've got a whole lot of living to do, and I'm ready to start doing it.

Another reason I am in a hurry is ye old biological clock.  It is ticking, my friends, day in and day out.  I am ready to start a family, but my desire is tempered by my fear of unbearable pain.  I just want to get fixed, get better and get pregnant.  Is that too much to ask? 

So as the hours and days slide by, my mind is flooded with anxiety.  When will this waiting come to an end?  Who knows.  I guess the best thing to do at this point is to pray, give my problems over to God, and let Him take the reigns. (it's realizations like this one that make this blog so therapeutic!)