Downward Spiral

 

Though I was seriously devastated that the surgery was postponed, I was really trying to be positive in my last post.  I am generally a pretty positive person, and I don't often allow myself prolonged pity parties.  Though it's good to be positive, I don't want to downplay just how much pain I am in or how heartbroken I am that I am not on the other side of this surgery.  After all, if this blog is going to be useful to anyone going through the same stuff, it has to be honest.

The pain keeps progressing in a steady downward spiral.  I feel like I am on a steep hill and each day I slide a little further down.  My pain baseline is worse week by week. 

Here's what is going on with me:

• I can't do what I was able to do a month ago, and I'm really tired all of the time. 
• I often wake up in a tremendous amount of pain; most mornings it eases, but some days I can't even go to work. 
• I have missed numerous social outings due to pain.
• My leg and foot pain are back, (boo!) an my left leg is feeling really weak these days.

I read on someones spinal fusion blog that they knew they were healed when accidentally one foot stepped in a pothole and didn't wince in pain.  When that day comes, it might just be the best day in my life.  So, if you see a gal wearing a t-shirt that says, 'I just stepped in a pothole, it was painless, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt,' you'll know it's me. 

Say What?

Today was supposed to be the day of my surgery…but it got delayed for THREE WEEKS. I can’t tell you how upset and disappointed this makes me. If it had not been delayed, today would have been the first day of my new life, the first day on my road to recovery, the first day on the other side.

If I had had the surgery this morning, would I be in tremendous pain right now? Of course I would, but the surgery would be BEHIND me. Instead, I am staring down the pike at 21 long days until surgery.

Now that I’ve got all of that whining behind me…I’ll focus on the positive aspects of delayed surgery.

Because the surgery was delayed I have time to:

decorate my house for Halloween

shed a few pounds

enjoy this amazing fall weather

and do some baking for those around me

Not too shabby.